It's so easy to get discouraged in this industry. With the number of people pursuing the same dreams it's easier to be overshadowed rather than be the one in the spotlight. For today though, my attitude is one of confidence a positiveness, but that could be due to the fact that the sun is shining and I'm sitting by the pool doing nothing but relaxing. Tomorrow when I'm stuck at the office, surrounded by the 3 walls of my cubicle confining me to the monotonous minutia of the everyday, I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune.
Sometimes I completely understand what it's like to suffer from bipolar disorder, getting to know 2 completely different sides to my personality who function completely separate of each other. I find that each morning I wake up not knowing which will be the face that I wear for that day. The frosted side of my mini-wheat personality is unbelievable positive, walking through life with a "why not me attitude" about my hopes and dreams in the acting world. She spends her time scouring the internet for any kernel of information that could help move me forward, trying to find audition notices, and practicing my craft. The unfrosted side however spends her time in a dark place dwelling on inexperience, location (the east coast, instead of the west) and the overall small fish in a big sea scenario. Instead of contemplating the "why not" phenomenon she wonders "Why me? What could I possibly have to offer that is better than anyone else out there? I'm too old with no formal training to expect anything to ever come out of these endeavors."
I don't like her, but sometimes I have to wonder if she is just the realistic side of it all, trying to keep me from getting hurt too badly in the end, should the "big break" never come about. Can I really expect all that much to come out of Philadelphia? This isn't an industry that you can just sit back and let wash over you until the right wave rolls up to your shore. And it's also not an industry where you can go at it half heartedly, as a part time job. You need to be out auditioning for everything that's available without stipulations of time/commitment/other occupations.
I guess I have some thinking to do. But for today my frosted side is shining through and hey...didn't everyone have to start out as a no one once?
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