It's so easy to get discouraged in this industry. With the number of people pursuing the same dreams it's easier to be overshadowed rather than be the one in the spotlight. For today though, my attitude is one of confidence a positiveness, but that could be due to the fact that the sun is shining and I'm sitting by the pool doing nothing but relaxing. Tomorrow when I'm stuck at the office, surrounded by the 3 walls of my cubicle confining me to the monotonous minutia of the everyday, I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune.
Sometimes I completely understand what it's like to suffer from bipolar disorder, getting to know 2 completely different sides to my personality who function completely separate of each other. I find that each morning I wake up not knowing which will be the face that I wear for that day. The frosted side of my mini-wheat personality is unbelievable positive, walking through life with a "why not me attitude" about my hopes and dreams in the acting world. She spends her time scouring the internet for any kernel of information that could help move me forward, trying to find audition notices, and practicing my craft. The unfrosted side however spends her time in a dark place dwelling on inexperience, location (the east coast, instead of the west) and the overall small fish in a big sea scenario. Instead of contemplating the "why not" phenomenon she wonders "Why me? What could I possibly have to offer that is better than anyone else out there? I'm too old with no formal training to expect anything to ever come out of these endeavors."
I don't like her, but sometimes I have to wonder if she is just the realistic side of it all, trying to keep me from getting hurt too badly in the end, should the "big break" never come about. Can I really expect all that much to come out of Philadelphia? This isn't an industry that you can just sit back and let wash over you until the right wave rolls up to your shore. And it's also not an industry where you can go at it half heartedly, as a part time job. You need to be out auditioning for everything that's available without stipulations of time/commitment/other occupations.
I guess I have some thinking to do. But for today my frosted side is shining through and hey...didn't everyone have to start out as a no one once?
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
My momma always said "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched"
Turns out that my potential "life-changing" audition fell a little short, which I'm surprisingly not that upset about. I'm not so sure I was actually ready to take the reigns, throw caution to the wind and run blindly ahead.
In any event, there I was Wednesday morning about 30 minutes early for my audition. This being my first at an actual agency I didn't want to stroll in too early, especially since their office hours start at 930, and I got there right at 930. waited roughly 10 minutes and strolled down the block to the agency. Wasn't I surprised when I opened the door to find 4 other women already waiting! I guess the earlier the better. Anxious to find out what major part they were could be casting for opposite Reese Witherspoon, I picked up a set of sides next to the sign in sheet. What?! This couldn't be right. The character we were all waiting so eagerly to read for was "Really Emotional Girl."(REG) She doesn't even have a name? What a bummer. I mean let's be realistic here. You don't go from being an H-string player (or in my case, Really Emotional Girl) to the superstar. But I guess beggars can't be choosers, and anything was better than nothing, right?
The waiting continued (there was a technical issue so we waited about 30 min more than would have been necessary). Finally they began calling us in and it seemed as if everyone was coming and going really really quickly. In what seemed like forever and 2 seconds all at the same time. Amazing how that happens huh? Despite the nerves I got through reading the lines and was getting ready to pack to grab my bag when the Casting Director offered some direction and told me to go again. And then again, and yet again a 4th time. Was I that bad? The character that I had to portray was a crazed, emotional biddy...guess that doesn't come naturally to everyone, myself included.
I left that audition feeling pretty down, assuming that all of the takes were to try to get just one decent clip to use, so as not to have wasted any of her time by having me come in. I sulked around for the rest of the day and that evening. Turns out that I must have done something right though because I got a call the next day for a 2nd audition! Total shocker! Check me out.
So I prepped myself all that night with the direction that I was given. Watching YouTube clips, reading up on the character type. I felt much more confident going back for this second round. I mean wow, they weeded us out pretty quickly. Guess they're eager to get this filming underway. I strolled in as if I had been there a billion times, signed in and then noticed something. There were A LOT of different sides sitting on the table that once held only the sides for R.E.G. They were casting for much more prominent roles and I was only given the opportunity for this one?! It hardly seemed fair. Don't they know how wonderful I am (que sarcastic tone). Also, while I was sitting there, chatting it up with some of the other auditioners, I realized that they were still taking people for their 1st round of auditions. Why bring people back for 2nds when you're still recruiting for exactly what you're looking for.
In any event, I gave it my best hometown try and came out feeling okay. At least I got called back right? And like anything else, I can always chalk it up to experience.
Sadly about a week later the post for the casting was taken down off of the casting website. I'm only assuming that it's because they have finished casting the roles that they need. Now I have to wait until the movie comes out so that I can wallow in self pity as I compare myself to the girl who got the part, and ultimately tear her apart while telling myself how much better I would have done, had I been cast. In the meantime, I'm just sitting around waiting for my "next big thing."
In any event, there I was Wednesday morning about 30 minutes early for my audition. This being my first at an actual agency I didn't want to stroll in too early, especially since their office hours start at 930, and I got there right at 930. waited roughly 10 minutes and strolled down the block to the agency. Wasn't I surprised when I opened the door to find 4 other women already waiting! I guess the earlier the better. Anxious to find out what major part they were could be casting for opposite Reese Witherspoon, I picked up a set of sides next to the sign in sheet. What?! This couldn't be right. The character we were all waiting so eagerly to read for was "Really Emotional Girl."(REG) She doesn't even have a name? What a bummer. I mean let's be realistic here. You don't go from being an H-string player (or in my case, Really Emotional Girl) to the superstar. But I guess beggars can't be choosers, and anything was better than nothing, right?
The waiting continued (there was a technical issue so we waited about 30 min more than would have been necessary). Finally they began calling us in and it seemed as if everyone was coming and going really really quickly. In what seemed like forever and 2 seconds all at the same time. Amazing how that happens huh? Despite the nerves I got through reading the lines and was getting ready to pack to grab my bag when the Casting Director offered some direction and told me to go again. And then again, and yet again a 4th time. Was I that bad? The character that I had to portray was a crazed, emotional biddy...guess that doesn't come naturally to everyone, myself included.
I left that audition feeling pretty down, assuming that all of the takes were to try to get just one decent clip to use, so as not to have wasted any of her time by having me come in. I sulked around for the rest of the day and that evening. Turns out that I must have done something right though because I got a call the next day for a 2nd audition! Total shocker! Check me out.
So I prepped myself all that night with the direction that I was given. Watching YouTube clips, reading up on the character type. I felt much more confident going back for this second round. I mean wow, they weeded us out pretty quickly. Guess they're eager to get this filming underway. I strolled in as if I had been there a billion times, signed in and then noticed something. There were A LOT of different sides sitting on the table that once held only the sides for R.E.G. They were casting for much more prominent roles and I was only given the opportunity for this one?! It hardly seemed fair. Don't they know how wonderful I am (que sarcastic tone). Also, while I was sitting there, chatting it up with some of the other auditioners, I realized that they were still taking people for their 1st round of auditions. Why bring people back for 2nds when you're still recruiting for exactly what you're looking for.
In any event, I gave it my best hometown try and came out feeling okay. At least I got called back right? And like anything else, I can always chalk it up to experience.
Sadly about a week later the post for the casting was taken down off of the casting website. I'm only assuming that it's because they have finished casting the roles that they need. Now I have to wait until the movie comes out so that I can wallow in self pity as I compare myself to the girl who got the part, and ultimately tear her apart while telling myself how much better I would have done, had I been cast. In the meantime, I'm just sitting around waiting for my "next big thing."
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