Relationships are like cleaning the bathroom. Sometimes.

Cleaning. When I'm in the right mood, I love to do it. I get a sick satisfaction out of tackling the bathroom armed with bleach, a scrub brush, Clorox wipes, paper towels, Windex, whatever else you can imagine and making what is presumably the most disgusting room in the house sparkle from floor to ceiling. I know that I'm not alone in this. You don't have to admit it, but just know that I know. For me, the most gratifying part of the entire escapade is the shower after the fact. This my friends, as you all know, is no ordinary shower. No, no. This is one of those soul cleansing showers. Cleaning the bathroom is one of those tasks that you only take on when you absolutely NEED to accomplish something. Work is stressful, your mom is driving you nuts, you're having writers block, whatever the case may be you NEED to feel as if you can still accomplish something. So this shower isn't only ridding you of the grime that you can feel under your finger nails and in your hair but of whatever inner turmoil you've been struggling with. And no matter how daunting the project seemed when you began the cleansing ritual, you step out of that shower with your head high with the feeling of satisfaction.

How could this possibly relate to anyone's relationship? It's kind of like that phrase "sometimes you have to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough." Sometimes you have to really get in there and scrub the dirt out of all the nooks and crannies before you can make any progress. You've got to get out all of the insecurities, concerns, feelings, thoughts, assumptions, everything and just lay it out on the table. I recently had some experience with that, hence the post, and it was both one of the worst and one of the best days that our relationship has seen.

It was supposed to be a night of celebration. New jobs, new beginnings, the closing of chapters, the opening of new ones, etc. But somewhere between 2 beers and a tequila shot and 4 beers and 2 tequila shots something went awry. Like any relationship, we aren't immune to having issues. The problem for us is that we've got a lot of additional outside factors that we hold no control over but are affected by: an ex that will be there forever, a baby, some legal proceedings, general childishness and immaturity that when all put together can be a stressful combination. Not to mention we're both highly sensitive. I guess after 5 months of dancing around feelings, and thoughts, and "what does this mean" and "why would he say that" it all came to a head. I wish that I could remember more of the nuts and bolts of the conversation but thanks to the Belgian beer and jose cuervo everything is a little blurry. Bit of a catch 22 though, because w/out the alcohol the conversation may have never taken place. The thing about all of this that's particularly interesting is that it wasn't some big blowout that happened in the middle of the living room at 2am (trust me we've had those too) but it was a civil, public conversation that took place at a bar where we both just let go and put everything out there on the table. Feelings, questions, concerns, misunderstandings, insecurities, everything and hashed it out. Was it pretty? No. Were hurtful things said? Yes, but not in a way to try and BE hurtful but in an open and honest, "we need to work on this and it's because of you," kind of way. It's really hard to not just listen to someone tell you your character flaws, but to actually hear them and come to grips with the fact that some things are in fact, your fault. Kinda sucks.

We came to some kind of resolution and decided to head home. Both physically and mentally exhausted we got home and passed out...letting sleep wash over us and letting our subconscious sort through hours of discussions. Sleep was the equivalent to the post bathroom cleansing shower. I woke up the next morning happy, uplifted, genuinely positive about our relationship. I felt good. And so did he. We needed, more than either of us a knew, time to just spout out everything that's been on our minds for so long. We needed to clean out all of the nooks and crannies of our relationship. Life is hard and it's grimey and it piles up on us like dirty socks, used q-tips that have missed the trashcan and soap scum. It's important to recognize that it wasn't always like that. That it started clean and fresh and new, and that if you work hard enough at it, you can get back there, no matter how dirty and grimy it gets. It's worth it.